The Year So Far

This has already been one of the most stressful years of my life, and it's not even half over yet. In my ever-continuing effort to improve my ability to function at a normal level, I'm now taking three classes in college. I know for many people, that's not much, but for someone still recovering from a very long-term disability it's a challenge. As it is, I'm barely keeping up. By the end of the semester, I worry that I may not be able to get all my papers finished on time.

To make matters worse, my parents' impending divorce and sale of the house is starting to drive my mother, who is already crazy as hell, batshit insane. She's actually starting to tell me things like our real estate agent "wants me out of the house as fast as possible" and stuff like that, which not only doesn't make any sense, it's potentially harmful to our real estate agent's business.

So, in an effort to find a more stable home I've been working with my brother, his wife, and my father in an effort to work out a place for me to go. We had just decided to rent a house together, but that brings us to my latest stresser: I just found out that my brother and his wife are splitting up.

So now the plan is for her to move out of their apartment and me to move in on May 1st. I don't really know how to feel about that. It upsets me that this is happening, because I'm very close with both of them and I'm worried I may lose a friend. On the other hand, it gives me a place to live other than the house full of crazy I'm living in now. But then there are their kids, and I can't help but think it's going to be incredibly hard to look them in the eyes and not want to cry because of what it must be like for them.

I'm really emotional right now, as you can imagine. This is a hard time for all of us, and I'm doing my best to keep up, but it's been incredibly stressful. I feel like it's a testament to my strength just how well I've kept together already. I've been crying a lot, though I suppose that has a lot to do with the hormones. I actually find that to be kind of a good thing. It's liberating.

I hope to be free of this limbo I seem to be stuck in soon. When I'm able to work, I will hopefully be able to earn enough money to make greater progress in transition. I've been really hurting lately because I've had a few instances where people have pointed out some rather undesirable features on me and it has really upset me.

So, that's my life these days in a nutshell. I hope things can start getting better soon, but frankly I'd just be satisfied with it not getting worse at this point. Things are rough enough as-is.